


Last Kiss

by incredibletragedies



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Flashbacks, Fluff, Isabelle Lightwood - Freeform, M/M, Malec, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Romance, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, alec lightwood - Freeform, clary fray - Freeform, jace wayland - Freeform, magnus bane - Freeform, post 2x18, the mortal instruments - Freeform, what i think happened one day between 2x18 and 2x19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 11:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11805063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredibletragedies/pseuds/incredibletragedies
Summary: post 2x18 based off of taylor swift's "last kiss"





	Last Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first published fic on ao3 & i hope you enjoy it!! it's based off of taylor swift's "last kiss" if you would like to listen to that while reading it.

Alec stood in the hallway of the Institute, right where Magnus had left him. Right where the man he loves left him.

 

And no matter how many times he tried, how many times he blinked, no matter how many tears fell or how much he tried not to think, he couldn’t turn back time. He couldn’t go back to where he made a mistake, to where his best friend walked away, to where he could breathe normally. 

 

He didn’t know how long he had been standing there, not moving a muscle, until Jace walked out of the room with a worried look on his face and walked right up to Alec.

It was at least a minute that Jace stood there, trying to get his brother’s attention. A minute where all he could feel was pain in his chest that he knew wasn’t his own. 

 

“Alec? Alec, hey, what happened?” Jace asked.

 

Alec took a deep breath, rubbed at his face, and looked down at Jace.

 

“Is it Magnus?”

 

“Don’t.”

 

Jace’s eyebrows narrowed. Magnus promised. He promised he wouldn’t hurt Alec and it seemed like he had done just that.

 

_Push it down, don’t let others bare with your pain. They don’t deserve this, you’re the one that lied._

 

“Nothing’s wrong Jace. Why?” Alec said, taking a step back from Jace. “Why do you ask?”

 

“You already asked that,” Jace’s eyebrows furred, not believing him. “Alec, seriously… We’re Parabatai, you don’t have to pretend with me. You can’t pretend with me.”

 

“It’s nothing, Jace.”

 

“You don’t have to push things down, you know. You can’t be so hard on yourself all the time. Myself, Izzy, Clary? We’re your friends and we’re here because we care about you and when something happens you come to us. Alec, no one wants to see you unhappy again.”

 

“Thanks for the pep talk,” Alec turned around. “But I’m fine.”

 

Jace heard him wince after his voice broke and he watched Alec walk away. He knew that he could do next to nothing to get something out of Alec, but he would try as hard as he could.

Just as Alec turned the corner, the tears started to fall again, fast. He picked up his pace and ran to his room and locked the door once he got there.

 

He sat up against the door, looking around the room. He usually stayed at his place every night now, but even everything in the room Alec hadn’t spent a night in for over a month reminded him of Magnus.

 

* * *

 

 

_There was knocking at the door, very unpleasant knocking._

 

_“Are you decent?” Jace’s voice came through his door. “You guys have to get up, there’s a meeting in twenty minutes that you both have to be at.”_

 

_Alec groaned and buried his face farther into the back of Magnus’s neck. “Five more minutes,” he yelled._

 

_“I’m coming in there in one minute if you two don’t get your asses up.”_

 

_Sure enough, a minute later, Jace entered the room with his hands over his eyes. Alec sat up and, barely opening his own eyes, grabbed a pillow and chucked it straight at Jace’s face._

 

_“Hey!” Jace exclaimed. Alec laid back down and pulled a laughing Magnus closer to him._

 

_“I had my eyes closed to be polite, who knows what you guys could have been do-”_

 

_This time it was Magnus who threw the pillow._

 

_Alec smiled and kissed Magnus’s cheek as he turned around._

 

_“I never knew you were a cuddler, Alexander.” Magnus said, tucking away a piece of hair that had fallen in front of Alec’s face._

 

_“Yeah, well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Alec opened his eyes._

 

_“I guess we’ll just have to change that, then, won’t we?” Magnus asked with a small smile on his face._

 

_“Okay, you guys are cute and all, but seriously, you need to be up or you’ll both be late.” Jace’s voice came from the doorway again. Alec immediately rolled his eyes._

 

_“Jace, leave them be! There’s no meeting, Alec. Go back to sleep, you two.” Alec heard Izzy and Jace bickering all the way down the hall and he sighed._

 

_“Siblings,” he shook his head._

 

_With a wave of Magnus’s hand, the door was shut again. He turned and put his hand under Alec’s chin, lifting his head slightly._

 

_“How about we stay at my apartment from now on? No disruptions.” Magnus suggested._

 

_“Sounds good to me,” Alec said, grinning. Anything to get away from Jace’s constant teasing._

 

_“You can move in tomorrow,” Magnus beamed._

 

* * *

 

 

Alec stared at the bed. Dust now covered the sheets and the pillows looked stiff, cold, and uninviting.

 

The Shadowhunter glanced around. Small tokens he and Magnus had collected on their spontaneous trips around the world littered the room. The desk he worked at daily, where Magnus had confronted him about the Soul Sword. The rug in the middle of the floor that Magnus insisted to use as a dance floor when Alec was having a bad day. The window that actually looked out to New York, but had been bewitched by Magnus to look like the various places Alec and Magnus had been. It usually changed every day, but now it was pitch black. Empty.

 

Alec blinked fast and repeatedly to get rid of the tears out of his eyes. He got up and went to his wardrobe to find something different to wear. His choices were limited, almost everything he owned was at Magnus’s apartment. He grabbed a pair of black jeans and Magnus’s old hoodie that he let Alec have - _“It’s hideous and almost fifty years old, Alexander, you keep it. It’s not like I wear it, anyway, it’s too big.”_

 

He slipped on the only leather jacket that was still in his room over the sweatshirt, masking over some of Magnus’s scent. Alec looked in the small mirror and almost didn’t recognize the person looking back at him. The person he saw, ha hadn’t seen for a while. This was “pre-wedding Alec”. Unhappy and pretty much miserable with his life. “In love with Jace” Alec. “Suppressing his feelings” Alec. Depressed Alec. This wasn’t the person that he was a week ago.

 

Alec rubbed his bloodshot eyes, grabbed his stele and his bow. He found a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled a note explaining that he needed to clear his head and go out on the field and that, per usual, Jace was in charge if anything were to happen overnight. He walked out of his room and out of the Institute and met no one along the way. What time was it anyway? He glanced at his watch, almost two-thirty in the morning. _Not even the guards wanted to talk to you, Alexander. Even they know you messed everything up and turned the warlocks against them. You’re a disappointment._ Alec squeezed his eyes shut hard and tried to block off his thoughts like Magnus had spent hours teaching him to do. _“Think of something that makes you happy, Alexander. Do the exact opposite of what those thoughts want to do. Don’t give in to the bad.”_ But all Alec could think of was Magnus and that definitely didn’t make him happy, not right now.

 

This is one reason why Alec had never been in a relationship in his life. He was scared of the heartbreak, and he knew then that it hurt more than anything he had ever experienced. He remembered holding Izzy years ago while she cried about some boy that broke her heart and never deserved her. But now he wished that he held her closer and tighter, since he knew what it really felt like.

 

The Shadowhunter twisted one of Magnus’s rings around his first finger.  He had stolen it a couple weeks back when Magnus was asleep. Magnus rarely wore it but Alec loved it every time he did. It was just a simple black band with an intricate design of shining silver. He never took it off anymore, and he knew Magnus secretly loved it because he smiled every time they held hands and he could feel it against his own fingers.

 

Alec walked around New York City, looking for something, anything that would occupy him. He knew there was a Warewolf that had recently turned a mundane, maybe he’d look around to see if there was anything there.

 

Hours passed and by the time Alec knew it, it was morning. The sun had risen, his feet were tired, and all he wanted to do was go home, but he wasn’t welcome at home anymore. His eyes were tired and his arm burned from an injury he had gotten from merely tripping while fighting a stray demon.

 

He didn’t bother using his healing rune, the sting felt good. He thought he deserved it. His stomach grumbled, his eyes were drooping, and his entire body was exhausted but the last thing he wanted to do was sleep.

 

He started to make his way back to the Institute since it was almost eight anyway. On his way back he passed the old warlock’s library that he and Magnus had gone to after one of their first dates. Magnus needed a book and knew nothing about Alec’s obsession with reading. They ended up spending over an hour there just looking at books.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Alexander, we have to go, come on,” Magnus said, pulling slightly on Alec’s wrist._

 

_“I’m almost done with this chapter, Magnus, hold on.”_

 

_“We can bring those back to my place, you know. This is a library.”_

 

_Alec’s eyes brightened immediately. “Let’s go then!”_

 

_He proceeded to grab approximately nine books and grinned at Magnus, who was smiling fondly at Alec._

 

_“Let’s go, you dork,” Magnus pulled him out of the shop._

 

_The walk back to Magnus’s was filled with Alec talking about the books he had gotten excitedly. Magnus, who had read most of them already, was laughing the whole time. Once they finally got back to Magnus’s place, Alec jumped on the couch with his books and started reading. He was acting like a kid in a candy shop, and Magnus decided it was one of his favorite sides of Alec. Well, other than sleepy Alec. That was his most favorite._

 

_Magnus sat with Alec’s head in his lap on the couch and read through his spell book (for at least the thousandth time) and smiled every time he heard a reaction from Alec, and occasionally just kissed him._

 

_“Magnus, I can’t believe that just happened, have you read this one?”_

 

_“Oh my god, I can’t believe he just kissed her after all of that.”_

 

_“What the hell!?”_

 

_Then of course there was the occasional tear, gasp, or giggle from him._

 

_The Shadowhunter didn’t get tired until he had finished one of the books, then he was snoring on top of Magnus._

 

_Magnus shifted positions so that he was laying down as well, and that was where Jace found them the next day. Still both dressed up in their date night outfits, sleeping on the couch, and an open book right on top of a sleeping Alec, who looked pretty content curled into Magnus._

 

* * *

 

 

Alec didn’t notice the tears that were falling until one fell down onto his hand. He also didn’t notice that he wasn’t Glamoured and everyone passing by was giving him weird looks for staring at a library with tears falling down his face.

 

He shook his head and walked away, Glamouring himself when no one was watching. By the time he finally made it back to the Institute, it was nine in the morning, and a frantic Izzy tackled him to the floor.

 

“Where did you go, you jerk!? We were so worried,” She got up and pulled him up with her. “Don’t ever do that again. Why do you have a big gash on your arm? Have you been crying? Alec, what’s wrong?”

 

“I told you guys in the note, I needed to clear my head, that’s all,” Alec said, clearing his throat. His voice was rough, he hadn’t done much but yell since he left.

 

“Alec we both know that’s wrong.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Alec, there’s a cabinet meeting in ten min - what happened?” Clary ran towards Alec. “You have a healing rune for a reason, Alec, what are you do-”

 

“I’m fine, Clary. Izzy. I’m going back to my office, Jace is taking my place at the meeting.”

 

“Can you even do that?” Clary asked.

 

“You can now.”

 

“Alec! You can’t just walk away,” Izzy shouted.

 

“Watch me.”

 

“What happened now?” Jace asked. The two girls turned around, surprised that he had been there the whole time.

 

“He’s closing himself off again,” Izzy sighed.

 

“Yeah, something happened with Magnus. He won’t tell me what but I can feel heartbreak, I’ve never felt it from him before.”

 

“Have you talked to him about it?” 

 

“I tried,” Jace shook his head. “I can’t get anything out of him.”

 

Izzy gave Clary a look. “Do you mind…?”

 

Clary shook her head. “No, not at all. This is a sibling thing, you guys need to be there for him. Just remember, he was out all night last night. He hasn’t slept, I doubt he’s eaten. See if you can get him to do something.”

 

Jace nodded. “Wish us luck.”

 

Izzy grabbed Jace’s arm and they walked down to Alec’s room.

 

Alec, on the other hand, was busy hiding every single thing in his room that reminds him of Magnus. He filled a loose floor board with photo booth photos, trinkets, and everything else.

 

Once he finished, his room was almost bare. The Shadowhunter turned the lights out and sat down, fiddling with a pen that was on his desk.

 

"Big brother," a knock came from his door and Alec closed his eyes, sighing.

 

“What," he said shortly. 

 

"Let us in, Alec.” Jace pounded on the door.

 

Alec got up and opened the door. Izzy's face was automatically filled with dissapoinent. 

 

"Alec..." Izzy switched the lights back on, making him squint. 

 

"What do you want," it came out more as a demand than a question. He sounded tired and done with pretty much everything around him.

 

"We want to make sure everything's okay, Alec. You're hurting, and we figured it's Magn-“

 

“Stop."

 

"-us. You can't keep us in the dark forever. I can feel it, Alec, remember? Parabatai." Jace looked more and more worried as he kept talking. 

 

"Thanks for the reminder that I didn't need.”

 

"Alec, stop. We're trying to help you." Izzy sounded so much like their mother that Alec and Jace flinched.

 

"What did he do? What happened? Why did he walk out, Alec?”

 

Alec couldn't even see, much less speak. He was so close to breaking down right there. Tears clouded his vision and there was a giant lump in his throat that just wouldn't go away. 

 

"I- I just, I-I can't, Izzy, I-" and the tears started to fall. 

 

A loud, ugly sob escaped Alec and he was immediately on his knees. Izzy's arms went around him and her hands were running through his hair to comfort him like their mother used to do when they were young. 

 

"Alec... what happened?”

 

"He left, he just left. He walked out and he said that he couldn't be a leader and be with me at the same time and he left Izzy, and he said he loves me and I just don't understand, is it always like this? Why did he do it I don't get it I don't want to do this I can't-" Alec's breathing got worse and worse as he kept talking.

 

"Shh, focus on breathing. Breathe with me, okay?" Izzy tried to keep him calm and keep herself calm at the same time. She looked up at Jace, who looked more mad than even Izzy felt.

 

"That son of a bitch," he growled. "He promised he would never hurt you, that's all I asked of him and he went and did it, I'm going to kill him.”

 

"No," Alec lifted his face from Izzy's shoulder. "You're not going to hurt him. We're going to pretend nothing ever happened and only you will know, I don't want anyone else to know, please.”

 

"Alec you can't push this all down. You'll regret it more and more every time you do this," Izzy said.

 

"Izzy I already regret pretty much everything. Adding one more thing to the list won't hurt.”

 

Jace got up and walked to the door. "I'm going to go talk to him.”

 

"No, you won't." Alec shot right out in front of the door to block Jace's path. Despite his tear stained face and his body still shaking, he looked completely serious and almost scared of Jace.

 

"Why not, Alec?" Jace asked. 

 

"Because I won't let you hurt him. I made the mistake. I don't know why he wouldn't hear me out but... it's my fault. All of this is my fault," he ran his hands through his hair and a more tears dropped. "I have to fix this.”

 

"Look at you, Alec! You haven't slept, you haven't eaten and it hasn't even been twenty four hours and you're a mess. I have to do something. This hurts me too, you know. I need to go talk to him.”

 

Alec stiffened. "You can leave. Without going to him.”

 

“Alec-"

 

“Jace.”

 

They stared each other down until Jace finally sighed and walked out the door.

 

Alec turned to his sister, his eyes welling up with tears once again.

 

"C'mon, big brother." Izzy led him to the bed and they laid down. "Remember when you used to do this for me? I finally get to do it to you. You know you're both going to be okay, Alec. You love each other too much to not be. Just give it time.”

 

"Okay," Alec whispered.

 

"I love you, big brother and you can always talk to me, yeah?”

 

When he didn't answer, Izzy looked over and to see that Alec was asleep. She kissed his forehead and put a blanket over him, then found the old photo booth pictures of him and Magnus that Alec had failed to hide and put them right next to his pillow.

 

Izzy knew that when he woke up he would be back to the strong leader he is. He would push it down and not want to talk about it until after the war was over or he would fight for him. Either way, he opened up and that was what mattered.

 

"Fight for him, Alec. It'll be okay in the end.”

 

When Alec woke up, the first thing he did was call Magnus. It went straight to voice mail, which he figured would happen.

 

"Magnus, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I want to fix this but I can't do it if you're not going to answer my calls." A pause. "Please call me back. I just... I never thought we'd have a last kiss."

 

_ Fin. _


End file.
